I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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