I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
