Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
