so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
