the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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