goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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