why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
