The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
