I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
