I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
