shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come share oat with me in your robe
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
