I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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