I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
