His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
