I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
