I wish I could punch you in the face.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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