I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
