You just made me feel so damn special
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
