I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
how drunk are you?
Several
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize