They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
