The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
