Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He shit in the fireplace
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize