I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
