Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
