thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
