Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
