if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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