I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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