he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
