i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's always time for handjobs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
