I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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