this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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