Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
