VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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