I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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