she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
