His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
