her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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