I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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