how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize