I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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