You made me cry and you don't even care
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
