Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
