i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
