party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize