i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
