its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
