I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
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