I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
