I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
