He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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