He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
