I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I AM VODKA MAN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
