were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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