I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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