she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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