i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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