he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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