Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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