is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
