I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
