You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
