i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
