We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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