You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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