now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
