just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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