Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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