Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
