You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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