Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
