8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
