Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
