Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
