Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
