No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
