I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
