Pappa wants mamma naked
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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