Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
