so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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