I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize