i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
