I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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