I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
