I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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