he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
