Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
