worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize