ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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