Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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