that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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