I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just found a bag of teeth...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
