and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize